Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm really busy with my period
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