apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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