dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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