I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
