She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
