this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's official drugs can't kill me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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