either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
