I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
