Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
