I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I forgot wine drunk hurts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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