I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
