Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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