I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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