Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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