apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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