i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
