just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
