Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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