I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
