made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
