she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
