Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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