The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
