Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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