I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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