He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
