ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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