Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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