Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
where am i from again
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
