nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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