11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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