Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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