Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My balls are so social today.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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