god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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