we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
