i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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