I cockslap morals
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize