I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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