You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize