Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
