also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
