i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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