Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
