i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
