We're facebook friends in real life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
