once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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