If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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