Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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