who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is classic penis vs brain.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
