if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
