he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
