Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
