My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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