If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
