We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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