Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
