i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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