Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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