this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
