So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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