I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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